@verius There is literally not a single instance of the error that breaks mysql on google, that's always a good sign :D

On the plus side it looks like I know what the problem is and the admin is cool with me just hacking out the broken install and putting in a new one, so it should be straightforward enough to resolve as long as it's not an underlying OS/kernel issue that caused shit to begin with, which I doubt.

Something to do after I nap :)