@abjectio Hey, please don't say sorry. This site is something you run voluntarily and the rest of us are getting free accounts! Thank you for running it :-)
4 gb sounds like a lot of memory. Is it normal for a !gnusocial instance (a "public" site as large as gnusocial.no ) to consume that much? Are you running quitter.no on the same database?
It would be useful to know the memory consumption of some of the other instances too. When I ran a single user instance on a shared host, my site was deactivated after some months due to overuse of resources... #thinkingaloud